View on boys and young men

Why are we here?

What are we doing here? What's the meaning of it all. Not silly questions, certainly not in a time of crises where some get cynical. Through all times every culture has dealt with these questions. In the strongly individualised western world, in which relations, markets, workplaces, living situations, technical possibilities, products and fashions are changing ever so rapidly, especcially young people are looking for answers.

In my life my answer to cynicism has developed as follows:

1. We are here to survive and to keep the world sane and hand it over to next generations (so: eat, drink, build a roof, keep your house clean, take care of the environment, for many also make children)

2. To connect with others (basically we are social beings, we do need eachother, we can be of significance for eachother)

3. To develop ourselves, to learn (of course we do things wrong, bet let's learn from our mistakes, or they were for nothing; that's houw evolution works)

4. To contribute, to do our share (offer food, drinks, roofs, meanigfull products, services, thoughts, support, make and educate new generations.

5. And also: to enjoy! Ourselves, eachother, the world. .

All 5 are related, there are overlaps. One moment the accent is on this, another time on that. Every human being is looking for his or her own path.

Boys grow up, gain awareness, take up responsibilities, try to connect to the world and wish to give meaning to their life. What can they master themselves? Where do they need some restrictions or challenges? What does really matter? Who and what do they need?

Working with boys is more than anything else doing something together with them. Go from the physical to the mental dimensions and back: helping them to direct their own energy. From self acceptance and self awareness to awareness of others, the world around them, taking up their responsibilities and connect. "It is good that I do exist, I am quite someone, and starting from there I can learn a lot, realising that I am a valuable part of it all"

What keeps them busy and going? Often pictured negatively, their energy, wishes & qualities as well as their dilemmas or problems deserve greater attention. Be it in education, care, policy and law enforcement or in sport and traffic. Just observing the rules without offering any prospects doesn’t work.

'Constructive work with boys' is inspired from research, personal experiences and those of many people around us. We can coach young men to accept themselves, gaining awareness for who they are and what they experience. We can help young people not by reducing them to their sex but with feeling for sex differences in their nature and the way they mature, influenced by nurture and environment. So they can make choices, direct their own energy, making a life that makes sense, with respect for others and cooperation in and responsibility for our shared world.

It is not only use it or lose it. Neglecting the potential and needs of our boys makes many of them even turn against the world, not only destructive to women but also to themselves.

This page was last modified on 17/05/2012 from Lauk Woltring TOP